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Starbucks released the PSL. Boutiques are selling fancy scarves. A leaf fell somewhere and its corpse is lying on the ground. Black cats everywhere are uniting in excitement of plotting how to jinx people. It is officially fall and that means it’s time for some Halloween tricks (and a few treats) to play on your boy toy. Don’t know where to start? I’ve got you covered.
- Dress up as Cinderella and act casual. When midnight strikes, throw your stiletto at him and take off.
- Drink unholy amounts of “magic potion”. When you head back to bed at the end of the night, tell him to tie you up and then projectile vomit all over him. Explain to him that he just preformed his first exorcism.
- Dress like a skanky whore eager to get men’s attention. When he asks what you’re dressed as, tell him the name of the girl whose slutty pictures he’s been liking on Instagram. Have a long discussion about boundaries, respect, and photo editing apps.
- Sit outside his driveway in a lawn chair while wearing a bathrobe and drinking wine and hand out candy to the cute little monsters running around. When he asks what you’re doing, explain it’s basically your address now too and you want to show him the future.
- Dress up as his ex-girlfriend and act like the trash she really is.
- Sing “I Put a Spell on You” to him and thoroughly act as if you’re Sarah Jessica Parker in “Hocus Pocus” and believe you can make him fall in love with you.
- Withhold sex until he agrees to wear coordinating Halloween costumes.
- Gain 10 pounds from all of the Reese’s pumpkins and apple cider. Still dress as a skanky witch with a holiday belly.
- Make him carve crappy pumpkins with you and your friends in hopes of a blowjob. Skip the BJ.
- Take off your makeup all the way at the end of the night even though he’s never seen you without makeup. SpooOoOky.
- Show up to his house unannounced. Knock on the door and yell “trick or treat.” When he says he doesn’t have any candy, tell him you’ll have to give him a trick. Demand he gives you his phone and go through his texts.
- Tell him your house is haunted and invite him over to protect you. When he arrives he will hear your roommate having loud sex with her tacky boyfriend. Insist the moaning is from a demon, which is sort of true. Spend the evening complaining about her and hinting that you should just move into his place.
God, don’t you just love spooky szn?!?!